Hi, my name is John.  I guess I will start this out by telling you my story.  When I’m done with it maybe you understand where I’m coming from for the rest of the story.  I am 70 years old.  My wife passed away two years ago.  Nothing fancy, Just a stroke in her sleep.  Good woman she was.  Took care of me for fifty years, sad day in this man’s life.  But she lived a good life, and she died peacefully.  I was the son of a pipefitter, and a pipefitter myself. Good life, paid the bills and such. We didn’t lack for anything.  This is all blah blah I know I’m getting there.

Anger, frustration, sadness, loss, hopelessness, fear, these are all things I am a feeling, I tell my friend as we talk in my living room.  I just want things to be better.  I want her to know that I care.  I want her to know how I am feeling about this.  How she has hurt me.  How if she would only understand how this has affected me.  I wish she would just say I am sorry.  Just stop being so selfish about the whole situation and just be real about it.  Just own up to all the hateful, mean things she has said and just see what she has done.  I tell my friend, she is my sister, she shouldn’t be treating me this way.

My friend has sat calmly through all of my tears and supported me the way a friend does.  We have known each other forever.  We are sisters in spirit.  She tells me she knows how I feel and that everything will be all right.  I am feeling hopeless at this moment, and she politely stands up and says she will be right back.  I find this odd, can’t she hold it for a few more minutes.  I am dying here can’t she see that.

She comes back in and sits down and looks me in the eyes and asks, “Can I be real and blunt with you?”  I am somewhat taken aback by this and say ok as I wipe my latest tears off my cheeks.  She says, “I want you to do something for me is that alright.”  I say, “I guess so, what do you want me to do?”  She pulls out a mirror from the bathroom and holds it in front of me and says. “Look in this mirror and say all of the things that you have told me and then tell me how you feel.”  I look into the mirror and boy am I a mess.  She keeps holding the mirror in front of me and says.  “Relationships are like looking into a mirror. Whatever anger, frustration, fear you see in the mirror will be reflected right back at you.  Relationships are not one-sided.  You cannot control any relationship.  You can only control the reflection that is looking back at you.  Until you decide to take into account what is wrong with your own refection.  You will never find what you are looking for when you take the mirror away.  If your reflection shows anger, then anger will be reflected back to you.  If your reflection shows love,  Love will be reflected back to you.  There will never be a problem that is all someone else’s fault.  No matter how much you feel it is all your sisters fault. Somewhere in this, big or small, you have something that you are accountable for too.  As I said before you cannot control the whole situation, you can only control what you do and how you react.  You are not in a competition with your sister to see who can win.  You are in a fight to try to keep your sisters love.  You do not lose by saying I’m sorry first. You cannot win by destroying your sister and the relationship.  The only competition in a relationship is between you and the mirror.  When you take the mirror away what will your sister see.  We as women are pretty lucky that we always have a mirror handy in our purse. Let’s just say that I have worn out a lot more mirrors than I have purses.  It is very hard to look at ourselves first, and it is a lot easier to blame someone else.

She puts the mirror aside and grabs my hands and says.  “I love you very much, and know that you are going through some hard times right now.  I just want you to know that I will always be here for you and that no matter what happens I will always love you.”  Then she picks up the mirror and puts it back in front of me.  I am smiling.

What is going on?  Snap out of it man.  I don’t usually talk to myself like this but tonight for some reason I can’t stop.  I’ve been walking around this stupid park for I don’t know how long.  It’s Late, Christmas Eve of all times.  I just can’t get her out of my mind.  I see an old man sitting on a bench.  He looks sad.  What the hell, I sit next to him.  He looks at me and I feel kind of stupid so I say “misery loves company right.”  He just looks at me with that “who are you and why are you sitting on my bench” look. I just smile and lean back, I’m tired anyway.  We just sit there for a while, both in our own thought.  Finally he leans forward and looks at me and says “what’s your trouble son?”  Looking at him for the first time I think I’m seeing a very senior Robert Duval, and I’m just waiting for him to ask me to cut the cards.  He gives me the I’m waiting stare and asks again, “what’s your trouble son?” Not knowing where this was going and not sure I am wanting to go there anyway, I simply say “life.”  Not expecting any grand reply, I don’t get one.  He simply gives me a small laugh.  He says, “life, son you don’t know the first thing about life.”  I think, “oh no, now here comes the how to be a man speech from Second Hand Lions.” Nope, all I get is another little laugh.  He looks at me real serious and says in a real quiet voice, “you’re not here to learn about life.”  Again, that little snicker of a laugh, which is kind of getting on my nerves at this point. He gets louder and says, “Your here to learn about love.”  I give him the international blow off look like he has no Idea what he’s talking about.  My eyes must have given me away because he said, “are you in love or have you lost it?” I think at this point it is better to just keep my mouth shut, so I just sit there.  “Lost it huh,” he says. “I can see it in your eyes, in the way you walk, yep you lost it.”  At this point I’m about ready to stand up and walk away.  He Says, “do you know what love is?”  I say, “of Course, do I look like an idiot.”  His curt reply was “yes.”  My jaw must have dropped to the ground and I got that I am going to kick me some Gus McCrea butt look in my eye.  He just chuckled.  He said in a real quiet voice, “did you ever tell her you loved her?” My immediate response was “yes.”  “I’m sure,” he said.  “When you were walking down the street did you ever hold her hand?  Not because you had too, just to hold it because you wanted to. At night did you whisper in her ear that you loved her, even if she was asleep. You fell in love and thought that was it. Everyone can fall in love.  But you see son, staying in love is a choice.” Getting louder he continues, “you don’t just choose once.  You don’t choose twice.  Every day, Every day you make a choice, do I love her or not.  What choice did you make?  There are no days off, no vacation, and no free pass days.  Did you love her like there was no tomorrow?”  Getting really loud now he says, “If you died today would there be any doubt, any doubt at all, that you loved her?”  He sighs, “So when I asked did you tell her you loved her?” Quieter now he says, “did you?” At this point I am at a loss for words,  so I say “I guess.”  “Not good enough,” he says. “Did you treat her like your most valuable treasure?  Would you travel to the end of the earth to find her?  Did the thought of losing her take your breath away?” Quietly he said, “did you follow her out the door when she left?”  “No,” I said.  “Didn’t think so,” he said.  “So where does that leave us.    How long ago did she go?” Softly I say “a year.”  “Been Looking for anything else” he asks.  “No,” I reply.  “Can I give you a piece of advice?” He asks.  I say, “sure,” it’s not like my answers have stopped him yet.  “Do you really believe that the love of your life is out there?” He asks.  “I don’t know,” I reply. “That person will never see you if you don’t believe they are there.” He says.   Not following I give my best, I don’t know what you are talking about look. “thick headed mule,” he says, “you will never find what you do not believe exists.  If it doesn’t exist up there, you will never see it out here, and they will never see you.  Believe in love son, and it will find you.  Then it will be up to you to choose to stay in love.”  “I get it,” I say.  “So what makes you the resident expert of the park bench on love?”  He gets real quiet and finally says, “I have loved one woman in my life. There was not a day that went by that I did not tell her I loved her.  Every chance I had I would let her know.  It was not always words.  I might just touch her to let her know I was there.  Smile at her so she knew I cared.  Hold her when she was sad.  Laugh with her when the time was right.  Kiss her always, no matter who was there.   Wait on her when she was late.  Hug her everywhere.  Carry her when she was down.  Walk with her when she could not run.  Feed her when she could not feed herself….Just love her always.”  “So where is she now,” I Ask.  He replies, “she’s on her way to pick me up.  I better get going.”  With that he gets up and starts slowly walking down the path.  I look down at my hands for a second to ponder what I just heard and remembered I never thanked him.  I look up to find him and he is gone.  There is no one around, it’s like he just disappeared.  I turn around real fast because I’m positive I heard someone say “cut the cards, what a Mule head.”