Hello everyone, I just wanted to give you an update on how Tammy was doing. I was somewhat vague with my last post and left everyone in suspense. That wasn’t my intention, but it all happened so fast and we really didn’t have a lot of information at that time. Over the last week we have been getting that information, trying to digest it, and trying to get the new plan in place .
The pathology on the tumor came back as colon cancer that has moved to the brain. Colon cancer does not generally go to the brain and therefore is not usually screened like the rest of her body parts. It does go there sometimes though. Tammy’s oncologist told me that regular drugs for CRC (colorectal cancer) do not generally work in the brain so it is normal for her trial to be working in her lungs and a tumor growing in her head. We are glad that this was not a new primary tumor.
Tammy’s surgery went really well. After getting in there it only took seven minutes to remove the tumor. I think by that time Tammy had willed it most of the way out. She is recovering well. She will start radiation on the twenty-sixth of December on her head. We found out late this week that she will not be kicked out of the trial at this time and they are doing everything in their power to keep her in it. The biggest hurdle right now is she has to be on steroids so her brain does not swell. Steroids and immunotherapy drugs are not a good match so that is a hurdle that we are still trying to get through. Hopefully next week we will find out when she can resume the trial. Even though the brain is the main priority right now we have to continue to treat her lungs so that we don’t lose the gains that we have there.
I definitly wasn’t expecting to be fighting on two fronts right now, and this past week has been a whirlwind of emotion for me. From “daring to believe,” to now, “finding my inner peace.” The last five years have taken its toll on me and all of us, but I have tried to find the positive throughout it all. We have no control over what is happening with the cancer so for me there is no inner peace. I am in constant turmoil as my mind tries to “make is all better.” Someday I will find that peace, but in the mean time I have discovered that what we cannot control still leaves us with options. Turmoil does not forbid me to make the choice that today I will be happy. Trials do not give me the right or the privilege to make someone else’s life worse too. Our Circumstances may elevate us to greatness, but I will elevate my goodness in spite of my circumstances. Kindness elevates everyone involved, and love will carry you as far as you need or have to go. Here is my wish for all of us.
My Christmas wish is that you find your inner peace. I wish that we all make the choice to be happy despite our circumstances. I wish that we choose not to be the storm, but the lighthouse that promises hope, warmth and kindness. I wish that we love one another not in spite of our differences, but rather because of them. I wish that we understand as a nation that we cannot heal through blame. We have to understand that we heal through forgiveness. I wish that no matter what happens to us, we let our love shine through us.
Merry Christmas
I have been wanting to write this for awhile. As you all know from my last update for Tammy that this clinical trial has been working. Since we found that out, “daring to believe” has been on my mind. I often wonder what has allowed Tammy to fight cancer for so long. For us it has always been kind of an unwritten rule that if you believe in something enough it will happen. I can only contribute that to our wonderful parents that have instilled in us that anything is possible. I’m sure some people look at our life and think that “it” what ever that is, comes easy to us. I think that because we dare to believe in whatever we are doing, sometimes it just makes it look easy.