Ruelle- I Get to Love You

“I Get To Love You”

One look at you; my whole life falls in line.
I prayed for you; before I called you mine.
I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes.
I can’t believe it’s true.I get to love you, it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do.
I get to love you, it’s a promise I’m making to you.
Whatever may come; your heart I will choose.
Forever I’m yours, forever I do.
I get to love you, I get to love you.

The way you love, it changes who I am.
I am undone and I thank God once again.
I can’t believe it’s true, sometimes.
I can’t believe it’s true.

I get to love you, it’s the best thing that I’ll ever do.
I get to love you, it’s a promise I’m making to you.
Whatever may come; your heart I will choose.
Forever I’m yours, forever I do.
I get to love you, I get to love you.
I get to love you, I get to love you.

They say love is a journey, I promise that I’ll never leave.
When it’s too heavy to carry, remember this moment with me.
I get to love you, I get to love you,
I get to love you.

By Ruelle

The Trees

We were walking along, my uncle and me.
and wouldn't you know it, we found these magnificent tree's.
We sat down asunder, and started to blumber.
Weaving webs of uncommon splendor with ease.
Just believe me uncle, I say with a chuckle.
tomorrow its going to freeze.
I sneeze.
I am sorry my nephew, I should tell you bless you.
I guess it just got lost in the breeze.
oh, please.
We wiggle and giggle, or maybe giggle then wiggle.
Holding our sides with glee.
The stories don't matter.
Its all just chatter.
Its time, even if he is the Mad Hatter.
that means so much to me.

 

April 2017 update for Tammy- “is”

Easter 2017

I hope you all are having a wonderful spring so far.  Here in Kansas we seem to be having a lot of rain.  That is okay as we have had a pretty dry year so far.  Sorry for not updating after surgery.  We thought that we would have results back pretty fast, but as usual, we had to exercise our patients and just wait.  We finally found out at Tammy’s follow-up appointment which was a good week if not a week and a half from surgery.  The results were not what we were hoping for, but kind of what we expected.  It was cancer.  I decided to wait until we knew what the next plan was before I put anything out there.  The surgery was a success.  The Dr. thought he removed everything that he could see.  Getting any of it out is a success to us.  She started radiation today on her eye area.  She will have 15 treatments and then will be done.  This is the first time she will be on chemo and radiation at the same time.  This does not usually happen because it can make the side effects a little harder, but the doctors feel that she has been off her chemo so much for surgery that they do not want to risk it while she does radiation.  So we are hoping for the best.

Ok, the bad news is over.  Tammy had her appointment with her oncologist yesterday to go over her CT scan from last week.  She hasn’t had a CT of her chest since the last one in St. Louis.  At that time there had been some growth and nothing was slowing it down.  Well, that is no longer the case.  Tammy’s CEA level, which is the cancer level in her blood dropped from 546 to 146, and from what we could tell from the CT, things look pretty stable in there.  BIG SIGH.  As I’ve mentioned before STABLE is a very good word.

It has been a very long winter to get here, but here we are.  Tammy is feeling good for the most part.  She has been having some problems with her sciatic nerve that has been pretty painful lately, but the Dr. thinks he can hopefully help with that.  She is still gaining strength daily.  She is still fighting low cortisol levels and is still on steroids everyday.  There is no comparison to two months ago.  Each day I see her spirits rise higher as her strength gets better.  When we do finally pull through the valley and we find ourselves basking in the warmth of the plateau I always try to look back and see what I have learned.  I am a questioner, meaning I question everything.  I’m sure I drove my parents nuts.  At this point in our journey my first instinct is to ask, “Why are things working now?”  Is it this chemo, is it the vitamin C, is it all of the prayers that have been said for her, or is it her sheer will to get better?  I don’t know, but I have learned that some times it just “is” and for once I am okay with that.

Thank you for all of your shoulders this winter.  There were days that without all of your help life could have been miserable, but with your help we endured.  We are truly thankful!

I Wouldn’t Trade This

Easter 2017

I sat down to write this song
about, living life and how life’s gone.
How little things, and half filled dreams,
just, withered away.

I sat there, wasting time, looking at life, trying to find, where it all went wrong.
How can I write this song?

I rewind time, and watch each frame, and wonder how this all went on, I can’t pull away, I had it all so wrong.

I see happy days with wedding rings, little feet, and big car seats, butterfly kisses, and mac and cheese. How could I be so wrong. Please can this time go on.

I see long car trips, broken bones, High school football, and so many proms, I cant believe I waited so long. How could I have been so wrong.

I rewind time, and watch each frame, and wonder how this all went on, I can’t pull away, I had it all so wrong.

I see left turn signals, the first day gone, late night texts of I love you, go to bed its almost dawn. Where has all the time gone. I can’t believe your on your own.

I see slow gently kisses, catching you from behind, long talks about nothing, your touch just eases my mind. How could I be so blind, I was there the whole time.

I sat down to write this song, about living life, and how life’s gone. How little things, and all my dreams, have come true. Its all because of you.

Our love story goes on and on. I know we will make it, it’s forgone, because of little things, small gold rings, hugs and kisses, you know the finer things.

I’ll hold you close, keep you warm, stand right beside you, fight the storm, make you believe, it’s almost gone, and we will walk away, and maybe kiss all day.
I wouldn’t trade this.
Only God could have made this.
Just hold on.

 

Is He Me

 

This is a song that I co-wrote with Sonny Hale back when we were in college.  We performed it at the talent show at Bethany College.  I included the infamous “Time out.”  A little embarrassing at the time but it has been a great story ever since.  If anyone out there knows where Sonny might be hanging his hat, I would love to know.  I haven’t talked to him in many years and it seems we have lost track of each other.

We wrote this during my whiskey years.  I talked a little about them in my letter to Tammy on Valentines day this year.  It was a very lonely time in my life where nothing made sense.  Deep down I knew what I wanted, but as life is most of the time, it did not follow my schedule.  So in the mean time I tried to drink my loneliness away.  In the process I began to ask if the man I wished to be was gone, or is this really me.

A fun fact was that Tammy was at the talent show that night.  It was the first time she had ever heard my name.  It’s interesting that in a college with seven hundred students it still took us two years to find each other.


I’m walking down this road
There seems no end in sight.
Everywhere I turn I find you on mind.
Nothing I can do will keep me here with you.
Things are moving so fast I can feel you slipping through.
Where you are now I have no clue.
Wish I could find the words to sit down and talk to you.

Sometimes it feels like I’m running in circles.
Things I see make no sense to me.
The man I was, the man I wish to be.
Is he gone, or is he me.

Every time I try, just try to make it through.
The words come out wrong, and I just walk away from you.
I run back to the place, the place I first kissed you.
Those were the good times, the times I spent with you.
I guess it time, time to say goodbye.
Just walk away, into the cold night.

Sometimes it feels like I’m running in circles.
Things I see make no sense to me.
The man I was, the man I wish to be.
Is he gone, or is he me.

So here we are two worlds apart.
Will I find another, or will I have this broken heart?
I guess she is through with me.
I have no words to say.
I tried to tell her I loved her, but she just walked away from me.
She just walked away from me.

So after twenty-four years I thought I should maybe finish the story.  A lot has happened in that time.  Some good, and some bad, but all have been worth it.  I hope you enjoy the second half:

Some times I feel like I’m running in circles.
Things I see, Make no sense to me.
The man I was, the man I wish to be.
Is he gone, or is he me?

There you were, Standing on the side.
I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to confide.
I wanted to bring you close and whisper in your ear.
You are the most beautiful girl, I have to break through this fear.
I touched you through my whisper, I held you for a time.
I knew right then and there you were mine for the rest of time.

Some times I feel like I’m running in circles.
Things I see, make no sense to me.
The man I was, the man I wish to be.
Is he gone, or is he me?

I’m standing right in front of you.
He says you are my wife.
It feel like nothing before.
It’s like I have found my sight.
I can’t wait to start my life with you.
I can’t wait to hold you near.
You are the love of my life.
I have nothing to ever fear.

Some times I feel like I’m running in circles.
Things I see make no sense to me.
The man I was, the man I wish to be.
Is he gone, or is he me?

I never saw your true beauty.
Until that first big night.
You were meant to be a mother.
OH, if I only knew bedtime would be such a fight.
Playgirls want to play, no matter what time.
I just had to hold on for the ride.
If nothing else we have always had a good time.

Sometimes I feel like I’m running in circles.
Things I see make no sense to me.
The man I was, the man I wished to be.
Is he gone, or is he me?

We are proof that love exists.
that love is all we need.
Tragedy will not slow us down.
someday we will all be set free.
I will always tell you I love you.
I will always make sure that you see.
I will never walk away from you.
I will be the man who you want me to be.
The man who I am is not gone.
The man you see in front of you,
………. is me.