I have been wanting to write this for awhile.  As you all know from my last update for Tammy that this clinical trial has been working.  Since we found that out, “daring to believe” has been on my mind.  I often wonder what has allowed Tammy to fight cancer for so long.  For us it has always been kind of an unwritten rule that if you believe in something enough it will happen.  I can only contribute that to our wonderful parents that have instilled in us that anything is possible.  I’m sure some people look at our life and think that “it” what ever that is, comes easy to us.  I think that because we dare to believe in whatever we are doing, sometimes it just makes it look easy.

Sometimes it is very hard to believe.  Doubt and fear are very hard to beat.  It is so easy to give up.  I have found that every day for the last seven weeks that I must dare myself every day to believe that this is going to keep working and that everything will be ok.  This isn’t the first time we have been in this situation.  I have really lost track of how many times we have been here, but I know that if you don’t believe to begin with, it will never happen.  So as you walk out the door today I need you to do me a favor.  What ever is happening in your life, please, dare to believe.  Believe that you will be successful, believe that you will be happy, believe in whatever you need to.   Just, “dare to believe.”

This week has been a definite test, and we have had to do a double dare.  Thursday night I took Tammy to the emergency room.  She had a really bad headache earlier in the day.  She took some advil and felt a little better.  Around twelve am she woke up with another severe headache, with nausea and dizziness.  She said she didn’t feel right and we needed to go to the emergency room.  We only ran two red lights, but we got there.  They did a ct scan of her head and found that she has a lesion on her cerebellum that is causing her problems.  They gave her medicine for the pain and some steriods for the swelling that the lesion was causing.  Yesterday she felt better and is doing okay.  I am at the hospital now with family and friends.  She is getting prepped for brain surgery where they will hopefully remove the lesion entirely.

This was definitely a surprise to us.  No matter how many times we get news like this it never gets easier.  It always seems surreal.  It can’t be happening to us.  We don’t know how this will affect her clinical trial yet but this problem has to be addressed first.  After her surgery today she will have to stay in ICU over night tonight and then be in the hospital until Monday or Tuesday.

Today I am daring myself to believe.  Daring myself to believe that she will be okay and this is just another step in her miracle.  Daring myself to believe that this is God’s plan and he knows what he is doing.  I believe, and so it will be done!!!