Anger, frustration, sadness, loss, hopelessness, fear, these are all things I am a feeling, I tell my friend as we talk in my living room.  I just want things to be better.  I want her to know that I care.  I want her to know how I am feeling about this.  How she has hurt me.  How if she would only understand how this has affected me.  I wish she would just say I am sorry.  Just stop being so selfish about the whole situation and just be real about it.  Just own up to all the hateful, mean things she has said and just see what she has done.  I tell my friend, she is my sister, she shouldn’t be treating me this way.

My friend has sat calmly through all of my tears and supported me the way a friend does.  We have known each other forever.  We are sisters in spirit.  She tells me she knows how I feel and that everything will be all right.  I am feeling hopeless at this moment, and she politely stands up and says she will be right back.  I find this odd, can’t she hold it for a few more minutes.  I am dying here can’t she see that.

She comes back in and sits down and looks me in the eyes and asks, “Can I be real and blunt with you?”  I am somewhat taken aback by this and say ok as I wipe my latest tears off my cheeks.  She says, “I want you to do something for me is that alright.”  I say, “I guess so, what do you want me to do?”  She pulls out a mirror from the bathroom and holds it in front of me and says. “Look in this mirror and say all of the things that you have told me and then tell me how you feel.”  I look into the mirror and boy am I a mess.  She keeps holding the mirror in front of me and says.  “Relationships are like looking into a mirror. Whatever anger, frustration, fear you see in the mirror will be reflected right back at you.  Relationships are not one-sided.  You cannot control any relationship.  You can only control the reflection that is looking back at you.  Until you decide to take into account what is wrong with your own refection.  You will never find what you are looking for when you take the mirror away.  If your reflection shows anger, then anger will be reflected back to you.  If your reflection shows love,  Love will be reflected back to you.  There will never be a problem that is all someone else’s fault.  No matter how much you feel it is all your sisters fault. Somewhere in this, big or small, you have something that you are accountable for too.  As I said before you cannot control the whole situation, you can only control what you do and how you react.  You are not in a competition with your sister to see who can win.  You are in a fight to try to keep your sisters love.  You do not lose by saying I’m sorry first. You cannot win by destroying your sister and the relationship.  The only competition in a relationship is between you and the mirror.  When you take the mirror away what will your sister see.  We as women are pretty lucky that we always have a mirror handy in our purse. Let’s just say that I have worn out a lot more mirrors than I have purses.  It is very hard to look at ourselves first, and it is a lot easier to blame someone else.

She puts the mirror aside and grabs my hands and says.  “I love you very much, and know that you are going through some hard times right now.  I just want you to know that I will always be here for you and that no matter what happens I will always love you.”  Then she picks up the mirror and puts it back in front of me.  I am smiling.