All posts by Casey

Stories

An Unordinary Life

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They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  What if we could see the rest of the picture, the outer edges.  What if we saw what flashed beside us, walked behind us, crawled under our feet, or flew over our heads.  What if we just got a glimpse of what was to come. 

I walk in wonder as I think about these questions.  This is not my usual train of thought but since last night that is all I can think about.  Seconds, minutes, the blink of an eye, if only, and why, yesterday started out ordinary.  Good morning, is the coffee ready, we are out of soap, I love you, and see you tonight.  As of this morning, I long for ordinary. What if I walk a little faster, not take that last bite, admire the sunrise for just one more second. What if i run that last mile, look into her eyes one more time,  linger one more second on that one last kiss. Seconds, minutes, eternities that change people’s lives. 

What if I saw it coming?  Would I change it?  Would I slow down that one instant in time that would change everything?  All it would take was that one turn of my head. One step, one heartbeat, one glance in the right direction, One instant of clarity in the midst of chaos, and I regain ordinary.

Now what was ordinary is far away and I am suddenly thrust into a time that is, unordinary.  That sounds so bad, unordinary.  What does that mean, I AM UNORDINARY. Have I changed somehow?  Now that I think about it I really liked ordinary.  Sure I would change some things, but it really wasn’t that bad.  If only I had sped up, slowed down, changed something, for heaven’s sake, if I would have just mowed the lawn.  I would still be      ordinary.

If I could have seen in all directions at the same time I could have made a difference.  If I could have read that guys mind and seen through her eyes, nothing would have changed, once again, ordinary.  I am human, so now I am Unordinary. Unordinary, I dread that word.  What does it mean?  I looked it up. Unordinary means “being out or the ordinary.”  Thanks Merriam for the clarification.

So Now I am an unordinary man in an ordinary world. Where do I go from here?  What are my choices?  As I am looking through my hats I decide on two to make my choice from.  The Scientist or the philosopher will give me my answer.  If I choose the scientist then there will probably be a bunch of questions to ask and a bunch of answers to prove.  Probably a few studies that I could look up, na I think I will go with the philosopher.  He says you have two choices, lay down or stand up.

It is a funny thing about ordinary.  No matter what choice I make now I will never make it back out of the un- category. If I choose to lay down then everyone will say how unordinary I am for not putting up any kind of fight.  Then, if I choose to stand up they will say, “wow he has handled this so unordinarily it is amazing.” What’s a guy to do?

So I guess I’m going on as unordinary, so what kind will I choose.  If I lay down what will happen.  The pain is gone, time doesn’t stop, the world keeps going around, the fear goes away, no guilt, no anxiety, no responsibility, and um no happiness, no love, no one to care about, and um um No Life.  Well that kind of sucks, the last one is kind of a kicker for a check in the no box.  If I stand up what will happen. Well I guess time still will not stop and the world will keep going around.  If I was a betting man I’m guessing there will be a whole lot of pain.  Guilt deserved or not will be a part of life for a while.  Anxiety, check that box for sure. Responsibility, yep.  Happiness, love, someone to care about, whoa hold on now.  What is life without all of these things I listed?  Life means nothing if you’re not prepared to live it.  Living it means that I am prepared to fight through the pain,  accept some sadness to be filled with happiness, Love someone deeply and to be loved in return, care for someone and in turn have them care about me.  So if I choose to stand up what is so unordinary about me?    I guess because now I do see life through a new set of eyes. The more life you live the more you see in life.  I am unordinary because I am so young to have learned this lesson.  I choose to stand up.

Our Story

January 2015 Update for Tammy

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Hi everyone, just a little update on Tammy as I’m sure word has started to spread about whats going on with her.  She has been struggling with some issues and been in some pretty substantial pain for a couple of months and she has been trying to get some answers.  We met with an OB in Wichita who has a specialty in oncology last Thursday.  Today we met with a surgeon down in Wichita.  The consensus from both of them was that Tammy needed a colostomy.  This might sound like not a good thing, but we are actually really excited and can’t wait for this to happen.  We are hopeful that this will solve a lot of issues that Tammy has been enduring for quite some time and vastly improve her quality of life.  We are hoping to retire the phrase “coming in hot” from our family vocabulary.

She will have to be off all Chemo for a total of 10 weeks, that scares us, but overall we know that this is the best for her and her quality of life.  One of the drugs that she is on is avastin which really affects how the body heals,  the surgeon will not touch he for at least five weeks after stopping avastin.  The drug irrenotecan really affects her white blood count and they want her to have all the white blood cells she can to combat infection.  This is a major surgery, (we were informed that any surgery on her is major) she will more than likely spend a week in the hospital and will more than likely be down for four to six weeks after.

Once she is recovered we will meet with oncology doctors and figure out where we are with cancer.  Since her stage four diagnosis, she has never fully stopped chemo so we have no clue what to expect as far as how the cancer will react.  Please keep her in your prayers as we walk down this new road.  If you happen to see her out and about, you have my permission to stop and give her a great big hug.  I’m lucky I can get one from her whenever I want one.  Thank you for all the continued thoughts and prayers.  We are truly blessed in this life with everyone around us.

Her surgery is Scheduled for February 16 at 2:30 pm

Phylosophy

Full Of Life

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“I must challenge yophilosopheru Zotikos(Greek). If what you say is true then I have no choice but to climb to the tops of mountains and slay dragons. I must spin circles and chase the tails of squirrels. It seems that I am not living unless I have drunk my fill of Ouzo and danced on stones until my feet have become numb, my head is spinning, and my stomach has wretched.
     Oh Zotikos I must challenge you indeed. Some may call you “full of life,” but I must question your belief of what that means. When we are old men what stories shall we tell. Oh the conquests you have undertaken. What glory you have seen. The gold in your pocket must be heavy. I must ask you though, you are full of life but has your life been full. I question if it was a race to the top of the mountain or if it was a race away from something. As you ran your circles was it because you were chasing something within yourself. As you guzzled your Ouzo were you not running from your true feelings and hiding from what it really is to have a full life. Zotikos, full of life, what is to become of you when the fire has dimmed.
     I too have traveled far and done many things. I challenge you now for I have ran away and I have been lost. I have tried to see life through my cups and drink until I felt nothing but the emptiness of my gut. I have tried to live life to its fullest and found that I had not lived at all. You can not truly live unless you are prepared to live it all, eyes open, standing straight, and feeling every stone that has been hurled and every kiss that has been bestowed. My dear friend Zotikos, hear me now for what I speak is truth. If you truly want to live then stand before life and let it happen. If you are merry then let it radiate through your soul and smile upon everyone and everything around you. If you have sorrow then accept it, feel it, consume it and then move on. You can not chase happiness any more that you can run away from sadness. To live we must feel everything. We can not mask our fear with courage and we can not drink ourselves happy if we are sad. Life is about feeling my friend. It is about the softness of the skin on you lover neck just as much as it is about the heartache of when she is gone. It is the happiness of finding what you are searching for and the defeat of it not matching your expectations of what it should be. To live life to its fullest we must be willing to feel what is good in our world, but also shed tears for all that is wrong. I ask of you my dear friend to pull your mask away and see everything that is around you. If you want to grab the bull by the horns then simply stop hiding from what is around you. If you need some excitement find your reflection and feel what is staring back at you. If you want to live life to the extreme then simply feel every emotion that grabs a hold of your soul and consume it. Live, my old friend, live a full life.”