“Hold fast my young maiden, for I shall tell our life  story.  It is foretold that when God Breaths fire into the sky and we are held breathless.  We will find the blessings we seek.  I, my lady will be at you side,  and you…you shall be my Warrior Queen.”

Good evening everyone.  I wanted to shoot out a little something about Tammy’s appointment today.  In several other posts I had mentioned that she was supposed to have a CT of her chest.  Today we met with her oncologist and got the results.  As it turned out it was a mixed bag.  She has some growth on some of them, some have stayed the same, and some appear to have lost a little.  The doctor felt that from a systemic standpoint we were not getting the results that he wanted.  If Stivarga was working how we wanted we would have more of a uniform result and we definitely would not have it moving.  His recommendation at this point is to start the Fol-furi treatment again since she has not been on it in three years.  This treatment would include irrenotecan as the primary drug and a pill that is in the same family as 5-FU.  We know that with irrenotecan Tammy will lose her hair.  For me I am okay with that.  For me it is a chance to see her true beauty that is not masked by a hair style.  For her I’m sure it is not all that great.  Before she starts her chemo they are going to hit her femur with radiation and also hit the tumor in her lungs that has weakened and cracked her rib.  As it turns out that is one of the tumors that has grown and Tammy is starting to feel some discomfort in her rib.  As usual she is raring to get going as she wants to beat all those little burgers into the ground.  She has been up and walking with a walker and says that her pain is tolerable after surgery.  Hopefully the radiation will give her more relief by shrinking the tumor in her femur.

Last week over a couple of evenings I wrote down Tammy’s cancer history.  I did this for several reasons.  The first being that I have been carrying it around in my head for almost six years because at every new place we go they need a history.  Second I wanted to know what I could learn from the story it told.  It might surprise you that I might make the next statement, but I was really surprised at how short the list was.  Six years,  that is a long time, I thought if cancer is our story then it is a relatively short story.  So I delved into it deeper and came to the realization that if you add up the time in six years and subtract the days that are totally about cancer, there are a lot more days without than with.  So I had to ask myself what is our story really about.  One-hundred years from now when our grandkids are sitting around the campfire telling stories about Grandma and Grandpa Thaxton,  what is the story going to be about?  What story have I been telling?

Through the years I became our story-teller.  If I break it down, have I been telling a story about cancer, or have I been telling something else? If I sat down and went through our updates would cancer be the story I remember or would it be everything else.  I came to the conclusion that somewhere down the line we decided that we have control over what are story is going to be about.  Every day we write our own story and store it in the depths or our brains, and every once in a while we pull it back out and either tell it to ourselves or tell it to someone else.  What memories do I want to remember in ten years, or maybe just tomorrow?  Do I want to remember that cancer happened today or do I want to remember that living happened today?  I get to choose, I tell my own story.

So if our story is not cancer then what is it about?  Love comes to mind.  Love for each other, for our kids, our parents, friends near and far, even people that we have met once, some we have never met at all.  Love speaks to everyone.  Kindness, with all of the turmoil in the world, kindness to us and from us is our story.  Kindness speaks to everyone.  Courage, what can I say about courage.  As long as there is hope there is courage and when we think that there is no more hope we use our remaining courage to find more hope.  Strength, our strength is multiplied by thousands,  If we have a small amount left, that is enough when you have thousands helping you up.  Most of all our story is about gratitude.  We are simply beyond grateful for who and what we have in our lives.  Its interesting, we very rarely use the word cancer in our house.  I have come to the conclusion that cancer is not our story.  Our story is about everything else.

Back to the campfire:  “Grandma, She was the full of Strength, courage, gratitude, and Grace.  She was the definition of a Warrior Queen.  Grandpa, he just simply loved her with all of his heart.”

Tonight as you lay your head down on your pillow, think about what you are going to put in your story about today.  Your story today will have a direct influence on how your story goes tomorrow.  Bad things happen in life, that is a given.  Just because something bad happens doesn’t mean that your story is bad.  Write your story with what is good in life.  It is your story, make it a good one.

October 11, 2011- Colonoscopy found mass took biospy
October 13, 2011 - Met with Dr. Johnson and told Tammy
     has colon cancer
October 15, 2011- colectomy for removal of tumor
November 10, 2011- Installed port in chest for chemo
November 16, 2011- First round of Fol-fox chemo
November 30, 2011- Second round of Fol-fox chemo
December 14, 2011- Third round of Fol-fox chemo
December 28, 2011- Fourth round of Fol-fox chemo
January 11, 2011- Fifth round of Fol-fox chemo
January, 25, 2011- sixth round of Fol-fox chemo

February 6, 2012- Radiation of abdomen
February 7, 2012- Radiation of abdomen
February 8, 2012- Radiation of abdomen
February 9, 2012- Radiation of abdomen
February 10, 2012- Radiation of abdomen
February 12, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 13, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 14, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 15, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 16, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 19, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 20, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 21, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 22, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 23, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 26, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 27, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 28, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
February 29, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
March 1, 2012- Radiation of Abdomen
March 19, 2012- Sixth Fol-fox Chemo
April 2, 2012- Seventh Fol-fox chemo
April 16, 2012- Eighth Fol-fox Chemo
April 30, 2012- Ninth Fol-fox Chemo
May 14, 2012-Tenth Fol-fox chemo
June 4, 2012- Eleventh Fol-fox chemo
June 18,2012- Last Fol-fox treatment
June 30, 2012- Re-proposed to Tammy
July 4, 2012- Renewed Vows
February 2013- CT scan showed minuscule spot on lungs
     Had to wait four months to see if they grow.
June 12,2013- Re-diagnosed with metastasis in lungs.
     Nine spots found.
June 17, 2013- First appt. at MD Anderson in Houston
June 20, 2013- Re-install port for Chemo in Salina
June 24, 2013- Second appt. at MD Anderson in Houston
July 3,2013- First Fol-furi chemo plus Avastin
July 10, 2013- Starts losing hair
July 17, 2013- Second Fol-furi chemo
July 24, 2013- All hair gone
August 7, 2013- Third Fol-furi chemo
August 14, 2013- Nupegen shot for low white 
     blood count
August 21, 2013- Fourth Fol-furi chemo
August 28, 2013- Nupegen shot for low white
     blood count
September 4, 2013- Fifth Fol-furi chemo
September 11, 2013- Nupegen shot for low white
     blood count
September 16, Third trip to MD Anderson.  Spots 
     were shrinking
September 18, 2013- Sixth Fol-furi chemo
September 25, 2013- Nupegen shot for low white
     blood count
October 2, 2013- Seventh Fol-furi chemo
October 9, 2013- Nupegen shot for low white
     blood count
October 16, 2013- eighth Fol-furi chemo
October 23, 2013- Nupegen shot
October 30, 2013- Ninth Fol-furi chemo
November 6, 2013- Nupegen shot
November 13, 2013- Tenth Fol-furi chemo
November 20, 2013- Nupegen shot
November 27, 2013- Eleventh Fol-furi chemo
December 4, 2013- Nupegen shot
December 11, 2013- 12th Fol-furi chemo
January 3, 2014- Fourth trip to MD Anderson in Houston
January 8, 2014- Start Maintenance Chemo
     Fol-furi minus Irrenotecan, plus Avastin
January 22, 2014- Maintenance Chemo
February 5, 2014- Maintenance chemo
February 19, 2014- Maintenance chemo
March 5, 2014- Maintenance chemo
March 19, 2014- Maintenance chemo
March 22, 2014- Fifth trip to MD Anderson
April 2, 2014- Maintenance Chemo
April 16, 2014- Maintenance chemo
April 30, 2014- Maintenance chemo
May 14, 2014- Maintenance chemo
May 28, 2014- Maintenance chemo
June 11, 2014- Maintenance chemo
June 16, 2014- Sixth trip to MD Anderson
June 25, 2014- Maintenance chemo
July 9, 2014- Maintenance chemo
July 23, 2014- Maintenance chemo
August 6, 2014- Maintenance chemo
August 20, 2014- Maintenance chemo
September 3, 2014- Maintenance chemo
September 15, 2014- seventh trip to MD Anderson
September 17,2014- full Fol-furi with Avastin
October 1, 2014- full Fol-furi chemo
October 8, 2014- start to lose hair again
October 15, 2014- Fol-furi chemo
October 22, 2014- Hair completely gone
October 29, 2014- Nupegen shot
November 5, 2014- Fol-furi chemo
November 12, 2014- Nupegen shot
November 19, 2014- Fol-furi chemo
November 26, 2014- Nupegen shot
December 3, 2014- Fol-furi chemo
December 10, 2014- Nupegen shot
December 15, 2014- eighth trip to MD Anderson
December 22, 2014- Fol-furi chemo
December 29, 2014- Nupegen shot
January 5, 2015- Fol-furi chemo
February 16, 2015- Colostomy surgery
March 23, 2015- Ninth trip to MD Anderson
March 30, 2015- Fol-furi chemo
April 6, 2015-Nupegen shot
April 13, 2015- Fol-furi chemo
April 20, 2015-Nupegen shot
April 27, 2015- Fol-furi chemo
May 4, 2015- Nupegen shot
May 11, 2015- Fol-furi chemo
May 28, 2015- Tenth trip to MD Anderson
June 1, 2015- changed to fol-fox chemo
June 7, 2015- Went to Chicago to see about trial
June 15, 2015- Fol-fox chemo
June 15, 2015- Reaction to fox fox, never take again
August 7, 2015- Eleventh trip to MD Anderson
     recommend a two month break
October 2, 2015- trip to Chicago for Testing
October 11, 2015- Did not qualify for Chicago trial
October 22, 2015- 12th Trip to MD Anderson
October 28, 2015- 13th trip to Md stay two weeks
     clinical trial
November 14, 2015- Get back from MD Anderson 
     clinical trial
November 23, 2015, MD Anderson clinical trial
December 2, 2015, Md Anderson clinical trial
December 9, 2015, MD Anderson clinical trial
December 19, 2015, MD Anderson clinical trial
January 5, 2016, MD Anderson Clinical trial
January 19, 2016, MD Anderson Clinical trial
February 2, 2016- MD Anderson Clinical trial
February 16, 2016- MD Anderson Clinical Trial
March 7, 2016- Md Anderson testing
     Removed from trial for to much growth
March 14, 2016- Start Lonsurf chemo
March 15, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 16, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 17, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 18, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 21, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 22, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 23, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 24, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 25, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 28, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 29, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 30, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
March 31, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 1, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 11, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 12, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 13, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 14, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 15, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 18, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 19, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 20, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 21, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 22, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 23, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 24, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 25, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 26, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
April 27, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 5, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 6, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 7, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 8, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 9, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 12, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 13, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 14, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 15, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 16, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 18, 2016-MD Anderson
May 22, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 23, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 24, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 25, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 26, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 29, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 30, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
May 31, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 1, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
June 6, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 7, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 8, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 9, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 10, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 20, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 21, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 22, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 23, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 24, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 27, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 28, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 29, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
June 30, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 1, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
July 4, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
July 5, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
July 6, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
July 7, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
July 8, 2016-Lonsurf chemo
July 18, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 19, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 20, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 21, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 22, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 25, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 26, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 27, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 28, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
July 29, 2016- Lonsurf chemo
August 2, 2016- MD Anderson
     Lonsurf not working
September 19, 2016- St Louis Trial
October 3, 2016- St. Louis first infusion
October 11, 2016- 5 years 12%
October 10, 2016- St. Louis
October 17, 2016- St. Louis
October 24, 2016- St. Louis
October 31, 2016- St. Louis
November 7, 2016- St. Louis
November 14, 2016- St. Louis- Testing
November 28, 2016- St. Louis
December 1, 2016- Salina Regional Health Center
     Found brain tumor
December 2, 2016- Salina Regional
December 3, 2016- Brain surgery, Salina Regional
December 4, 2016- Salina Regional
December 5, 2016- Salina Regional
December 26, 2016- Radiation on brain, Salina
December 27, 2016- Ct scan- St Louis
     Found rib fracture
December 30, 2016- Radiation on brain, salina
January 3, 2017- MD Anderson
January 4, 2017- Radiation on Brain, Salina
January 9, 2017- St. Louis
January 11, 2017- Radiation on Brain, Salina
January 12, 2017- Adrenal Failure, Start steriods
January 13, 2017-found Lump above right eye
January 21, 2017- St. Louis- Removed from trial
February 6, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 7, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 8, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 9, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 10, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 11 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 12, 2017- Stivarga Chemo, start Sciatica
February 13, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 14, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 15, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 16, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 17, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 18, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 19, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 20, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 21, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 22, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 23, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 24, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 25, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 26, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 27, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
February 28, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
March 9, 2017-Salina Regional Health Center
     Adrenal Failure- Steroids and Antibiotics
March 10, 2017- Salina Regional
March 11, 2017- Salina Regional
March 12, 2017- Salina Regional
March 14, 2017-Kansas City
     Remove tumors from right orbital eye socket
March 20,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 21,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 22,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 23,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 24,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 25,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 26,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 27,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 28,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 29,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 30,2017- Stivarga chemo
March 31,2017- Stivarga chemo
April 1, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 2, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 3, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 4, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 5, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 6, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 7, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 8, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 9, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 10, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 11, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 12, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 13, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 14, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 15, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 16, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 17, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 18, 2017- Stivarga chemo
     CT scan- Salina
April 19, 2017- Stivarga and Radiation on right eye
April 20, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 21, 2017- Stivarga chemo and Radiation
April 22, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 23, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 24, 2017- Stivarga chemo and Radiation
April 25, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 26, 2017- Stivarga chemo and Radiation
April 27, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 28, 2017- Stivarga chemo and Radiation
April 29, 2017- Stivarga chemo
April 30, 2017- Stivarga chemo
May 1, 2017- Stivarga chemoand Radiation
May 2, 2017- Blisters From Chemo
May 3, 2017- Blisters From Chemo
May 4, 2017- Blisters From Chemo, Radiation
May 5, 2017- Blisters From Chemo
May 6, 2017- Blisters From Chemo, Radiation
May 7, 2017- Blisters From Chemo
May 8, 2017- Blisters From Chemo, Radiation
May 9, 2017- Blisters From Chemo
May 10, 2017-Blisters From Chemo
May 11, 2017-Blisters From Chemo, Radiation
May 12, 2017-Blisters From Chemo
May 13, 2017-Blisters From Chemo
May 14, 2017-Blisters From Chemo
May 15, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 16, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 17, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 18, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 19, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 20, 2017- Blisters from Chemo
May 21, 2017- Blisters from Chemo
May 22, 2017- Blisters from Chemo
May 23, 2017- Blisters from Chemo
May 24, 2017- Blisters from Chemo
May 25, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 26, 2017- Stivarga Chemo, Epidural shot in back
May 27, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 28, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 29, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 30, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
May 31, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 8, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 9, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 10, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 11, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 12, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 13, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 14, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
June 15, 2017- Second Epidural shot in Back
June 21, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 22, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 23, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 24, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 25, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 26, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 27, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 28, 2017- Stivarga chemo, Third epidural shot
June 29, 2017- Stivarga chemo
June 30, 2017- Stivarga chemo
July 1, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 5, 2017- Salina- Back Surgery
July 10, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 11, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 12, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 13, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 14, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 15, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 16, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 17, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 18, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 19, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
July 20, 2017- Stivarga Chemo
August 2, 2017-Salina Regional 
     Second Back Surgery
August 3, 2017- Salina Regional
     Found tumor on left Femur
August 4, 2017-Salina Regional
August 5, 2017- Home
August 9, 2017- Salina Regional
     surgery- nailing Femur
August 10, 2017- Salina Regional
August 11, 2017- Salina Regional
august 16, 2017- Salina Dr. Deutsch
     growth in chest