“So as of right now I will not give you what you deserve, I will give you all that I am.”
Warning!!! Weird category ahead. My brain is back at it. I’m going to blame it on my kids for getting me up to early this morning to come back from Omaha so they didn’t miss practice. It’s a pretty weird feeling when your kids are waking you up at five in the morning and it’s not Christmas morning. Really what happened to you guys. Are you really that excited about practice? In reality I am very proud of their dedication. I didn’t set an alarm. I told them if they wanted to leave early then they had to wake us up and I would drive. I also told them good luck with Mom. Big day at the zoo yesterday, Mom is tired and I’m pretty sure she will be on “Mann time” tomorrow. So a couple of large coffees and they are at practice doing practice stuff, and I had four hours in the car with five sleeping people to contemplate life.
As animals we are inherently selfish. We were made that way so that in a world with scarce resources we would be able to survive. As time went on humans became smart or should I say smarter. We can still do some really dumb things. We developed tools, language, culture, and eventually civilization. We became civilized, meaning we learned to live with others. The “relationship” was born, and we have been trying to figure them out since. How do we balance our inherent selfishness with being part of a culture and civilization where, for most of us, our resources are readily available and it is our relationships that are the most important aspect of our lives. Whether it is in a job where we go to get money to buy those resources or with our friends, acquaintances, or at home. Relationships rule our lives. How we handle those relationships will have a profound affect on our lives. How we deal with our inherent selfishness will have a profound affect on our relationships.
Because we are selfish we came up with phrases like, “you don’t deserve that.” What does that even mean? “You don’t deserve that,” is a selfish statement because it is implying that you don’t deserve it, but I do. It is a statement that is making a comparison. Most of the time in a relationship it is comparing things that are different. It is not an apple to apple comparison. We are all different. We feel different about things. We think differently, we react differently, we perceive differently. What we feel we deserve is different. If we look deeply within ourselves what we believe we deserve and what other people think we deserve are not even close to each other. Most of the time we sell ourselves short and think that we are not deserving of this or that.
Thinking back have you ever said, “I’m not doing that for them after the way they have been acting.” We have all said that at one time or another. That is why I don’t like the term “unconditional love.” We have used it so much that we no longer think about what it means. I like to use the words “love without condition,” because it makes me think about it a little more. I will love you even though you do not deserve it, I love you without any conditions placed on it. It is our selfishness that places conditions on things. It goes back to the “Do unto others” saying. It does not say, “Do unto others as you would like to have done unto you , after they do unto you what you want first.” Someone has to do unto first, and it is up to me to make that happen.
Sometimes our relationships are not about love. We don’t necessarily always have love in a relationship. Like at work, but the same principles apply. I read in a book one time that if the relationship is important to you to always put the relationship first. For me that means if it is important enough then I need to hold down some of my selfishness and think what is best for this relationship, not necessarily what is the absolute best for just me. Compromise can be a very good thing, and sometimes we may not always know what is best for us. I’m not going to get slapped around in the process, but my attitude will be one of caring, empathy, and wanting the best for everyone. That is how things get done. Nothing gets done in an argument.
I am starting to ramble a little bit so I will try to sum this up. I have no idea what you deserve because I have no idea what I deserve. All I do know is that you are important to me and this relationship is important. I am selfish, but I am trying to work on that. I can not expect you to treat me better if I am not willing to treat you better first. I love you without condition. Whether I think you are deserving or you think you are deserving does not matter. So as of right now I will not give you what you deserve, I will give you all that I am.