We define ourselves not in the halo of the light, but in the shadows of darkness.

Late Friday afternoon we got the results of Tammy’s Biopsy. The oncologist sent it in a secure email which neither one of us had ever seen and so had no idea how to open. Tammy was at school and I was at home. After fifteen agonizing minutes I finally found the magic decoder ring and opened the email. I called Tammy right away figuring she was in class and I would not be able to get to talk to her. She answered, and I said did you get the email. She said yes but I’m still trying to get it open. She is very focused on the task and didn’t hear me the first time I said that I got it open. I finally got her full attention and told her the news. The biopsy was negative for the protein. You are not eligible for the trial.

I did a pretty good job all week of handling my anxiety over what the results would be. I was hoping above hope that she had already read the results so I did not have to be the one to tell her. I myself had every emotion going through my body. Sadness that she could not do the trial. Relief because the next eight weeks would have been hell on all of us. Fear, because this was the next step. I asked her are you ok. Yes, she said, this was not what I am supposed to be doing. She defined herself by being my calmness in the storm. She held me up when I thought I would have to hold her. She found the light despite the shadows for us both.

We don’t know what the next step will be yet. Her oncologist in Chicago did tell us that last week the FDA did approve a new drug to treat colon cancer. Its called Lonsurf (TAS102). We know nothing about it at this point or if it is the best option at this time. She will meet with her oncologist here this week and we still have an appointment in Houston towards the end of the month. All we know to do is keep moving forward. Pushing on into our next adventure. Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers the last two weeks.